perasaan mlm ni lebih ke arah mengingati seseorg jauh di sana yg telah lama terpahat dlm jiwa sejak.. mm.. form 5. now 24 jd dah 7yrs. see, im a loyal person.. betul! itu kebaikan yg sy ada *walhal lebih byk keburukan* jd bila sy dah suka/admire/rindu susah nak berkalih2 lg. most of my good friends know him and our story.
bukan dlm masa 7 thn itu langsung tiada rasa suka tgk2, jeling2, pandang2 org lain. hati ini nakal juga but very2 deep inside the true feeling hanya utk dia. im not sure either he knows it or otherwise cuma sy pernah confess masa 1st year dulu on my birthday and he didnt give any response *sad*
dah ada kwn2 yg suruh lupakan but i always keep the faith yg someday he'll look back at me. faith tuh bertahan sampai sekarang tp dlm masa yg sama, aku sentiasa igtkan dkt hati kalau dia ada steady gf, that time i'll let him go.
and now, the time has come. dia ada seseorg tp seseorg itu bukan sy. its hard, susah sgt nak legakan hati. sy menunggu.. dgn harapan but i dont blame him sbb soal hati tidak boleh dipaksa. sy sedar itu.
that night when i know everything which is last week, sy masuk bilik kunci duduk atas katil pandang bulan dan menangis all out. bukan mcm meronta2 tuh ok. nope! crying silently, flash back segala memori bersama dan tidur dlm kesedihan. i admit, sedih sgt2. 7 thn memendam rasa but again, hati tidak boleh dipaksa.
next day, Alhamdulillah... lps menangis penuh emosi sy rasa ada kelegaan. ckp pd diri jgn kecewa lama2, cukuplah 1 mlm bersedih. walaupun 1 mlm tak boleh buat sy lupa dia but i've already made my 1st step. delete him from my friends list. penting! sy syg hubungan persahabatan kami tp sy tidak puas hanya sekadar kawan. samaada dia jd paling penting atau tiada langsung. itu saja pilihan yg ada.
so what now? i have to totally get over him and move on. HAVE TO.. bkn senang..
dlm masa nak melupakan, kejap2 mesti teringat terkenang..
im trying here..
to You, nothing more to say. thanks.
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